Contemplation

- The new record is like heroin; I don’t know why I’ve only listened to it twice.
- I think I be the only person the planet who likes it better than the other ones. Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with me.
- We bounce around too much. I’m not sure if that’s how it’s supposed to go. Everything I do separates me. I wish I didn’t care as much. I really shouldn’t. None of it’s going to matter much next year. I’ll be somewhere else, believing in even less.
- I’m only happy when I’m alone half the time. The other half I’m thinking about why I haven’t called him yet, why I didn’t answer, or why I said I didn’t feel like hanging out. They all get it, though.
- Sometimes I don’t realize how much of a piece of a shit I am until we’re both in bed and she thinks I’m asleep. I always listen to make sure she’s still breathing.
- I’ve felt less than productive for awhile. It’s almost like I enjoy thinking about things that are bigger than me. It helps me ground my failures later.
- I don’t know why we ever decided to put a title on anything. It feels the exact same, just more awkward with stranger expectations. Variations of falling in love. My entire life is a gradual process.
- Everyone’s pairing off. I wonder if there’s a place somewhere where someone exactly like me is hiding.
- I still don’t feel like it was the right decision. I hear about things going on at other familiar places and I feel left out. I’d be better everywhere at once.
- Sometimes I hate it when they sing along or clap in unison. I like it when nobody’s there sometimes. It’s been awhile since that’s happened, though.
- It’s easier to just smoke outside before and after. It helps when people share addictions.
- Sometimes I feel like I grew up far too fast. It’s okay, though. I’m not even close to being like my father yet.
- I’m too new to this whole thing. How can they be so good at faking it all the time? This is why I don’t talk much.
- This is probably the worst idea ever and it just fell into my lap. I’m not completely involved. This doesn’t quite feel like love yet.
- I haven’t felt the same in awhile. I can tell that people are taking notice. They still like the new me. We’re not all that different.
- It’s weird how social the both of us still are. I’m waiting for him to move away or fall into a coma. The second he wakes up, though, I’m sure he’ll call me.
- I’m too settled in the way we all are. At least I can’t think about anybody I hate, at least not off the top of my head.
- I’m far too good at acting like I hate everybody.
- I’m as the lost as the others.
- I know they know how shitty I am sometimes, but I can’t help it. Sometimes I just need to breathe elsewhere.
- I’ve never been good at being social and I hate that she thinks she’s so good at it.
- There are far too many possibilities. Blonde, brunette, redhead. Vinyl or 45.
- Sometimes I’m so busy just so I don’t have time to think.
- I feel as if I’m too obvious about missing the idea of home, even though it’s not the same anymore.
- I fall in love too quickly with all the wrong people.
- We’re beyond perfect for each other. Despite the bullshit.
- He’s great at dealing with it all. I don’t tell him enough.
- I’m glad that I’m finally away from it all, despite the fact that I miss the little things.
- We’re better off when we’re apart. I finally understand that.
- I hope the others think about me as much as I think about them.
- I spend the majority of my time thinking about why I’m not doing anything at all. Yet I know I’m happier than most people are.
- I’d say I more or less have it all figured out. Sometimes I need time to recover.
- We all act like we get along too well. Everyone is good at bottling it up. At least I have the means to sit and think alone.
- I’m not as vain as they all think. Sometimes I just like attention.
- I feel like we’ve been through the same things a thousand times. I’m just waiting for it to fall apart again.
- Everyone knows it’s not perfect. Maybe I’ve been too obvious about it.
- I don’t think we’ll end up like the rest of them. It hasn’t happened that much yet.
- I shouldn’t be nearly as worried as I am about the whole thing.
- Everyone thinks we’re moving too fast except for her and me.
- It shouldn’t be so much of a stretch for some of them. No one will ever completely understand, I guess.
- I’m so bored with him at this point. It’s like we keep recycling our stories to try and make it more interesting. I should have left with everyone else.
- I’m going to get high and listen to it over again. That’ll help me forget about her.
- I think about everybody else’s thoughts too much. If this were a scene in a movie "The World at Large" would play in the background, and I would die with my headphones on.