wonderland

i watched a movie called "wonderland" tonight. it's about john holmes, a porn star who is addicted to drugs. he gets wrapped up in some crazy shit, and to make a long movie a short paragraph, he ends up being forced at gunpoint to smash in his friend's head with a lead pipe. it really really freaked me out because i can totally see myself getting into something stupid like that. i used to have visions of myself in court, being sentenced to prison for a crime that i couldn't quite make out, but one that i knew i was guilty of doing. and i knew i did it just because i did something fucking dumb. i hope that doesn't happen in real life. i'd hate to have to smash in your head.