i want all of this shit to feel like an adventure. i can portray it that way...at least to myself, if i try. as for others...the things i paint and the ways i hold my stare on whatever things i do i wonder if they know anything, or if they care. and if they cared, did i care too?
who knows. it's all suggestion. that's the only place anything starts.
ciman, do you really believe in like...love at first sight?
do you really believe in that?
i believe in...breaking out of closed-in areas. i mean, together. and understanding the need to take steps back sometimes. and remembering my own space, and need for space or unspace.
also, did i deserve all of this?
i don't know. did i? who am i even talking to? who else is there but you? me. i mean, i'm letting you read this but...and that means there's another you. out there. but i don't know your thoughts...so what does that mean? maybe it doesn't even matter.
this guy i live with...he keeps saying to me:
"if ghosts exists...what does that mean?"
i keep trying to have an answer because i think i try to figure out my answers on everything..to be prepared? or..for something to do..or because it makes me feel alive...sometimes/angry. i don't know.
should i leave this on a happy note?
okay. i took a dog on a walk today. in the snow. the snow was covering a good deal of stuff, and the world was quiet. and the cherry cola lollipop i'm enjoying right now is just..ohhh, all the words you use in place of "swell" because it makes you feel kinda old timey like.