Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm falling back into old routines I promised myself I wouldn't fall back into. It's almost impossible to make a promise to yourself that you're planning on keeping. Trusting oneself seems like mere phrasing. It's a poster in a classroom, a line dangling off in the infinite nothingness that is human existence. I can't even begin to think about how lonely things are going to be once we all figure our lives out. Part of me is waiting for some of the others to come to vague realizations, to figure out that sometimes it's just not worth it, putting up the effort, walking around dazed with no real thoughts of upward mobility, sitting mindless in front of the television set, just thinking about what things could easily be said. I'm rambling again. I know it, but it's like I said, sometimes it's hard to say something and mean it. If anything, I feel as if I've become a master of saying the wrong thing and regretting it later, or not saying anything at all and simply waiting, pausing on the walk back to dwell on what could have been said. Two more finals and then we can all look forward to the end of the world.


My Idea of Fun said...

as an "older" dude, may i say (?) ...

yikes! don't be maudlin! life may seem sort of awful or whatever, maybe it is awful, i don't know, but you're young and vibrant and being confronted with lots of new ideas and knowledge (some of which is shit, sure, but...) and your creative enough to think on these things and MAKE something with it all. congrats!

i guess i'm just trying to encourage you to take a look around to see which way the wind blows. and remember humility and humor will see us all through.

or maybe you'll think i'm shit. that's ok.

My Idea of Fun said...

sometimes it's hard to say something and mean it.

yeah. it is. i know. the world isn't used to honesty. let's bring it back, ya'll. i'll start with you.