Saturday, December 13, 2008
You are wrong.
You are a person. You have thoughts in your brain and blood in your veins. You laugh a lot, sometimes til you want to cry. And you cry even more, sometimes til you want to laugh. You try things. You try to do things that you think will be good and you try to do things that you think will help other things. You try to make a good time happen, and you try to enjoy a good time when they come around. You try a lot, and you don't realize. Sometimes there are other people who see this try and they use it for themselves. There are people who can get close to you and study your habits and make you fill in their gaps. They don't have certain things, so they use your certain things like they were their own. And you always lay with them. You always let them creak open the trove inside. All of your tries. Then you realize what's going on. You realize how tight of a grip they have on you, then you start to feel bad. And sad. You see that they are squeezing and making it seem like they are not the ones squeezing. You realize this not because you got smart, you realize this because they got dumb; careless. You feel like a hot knife is sticking in your eye and you swear them off. You say that you are better than them. You tell them they are the most selfish ever and you swear them off. But you are a person. And you have blood in your veins. You let them come back after feeling alone for a long time. You feel alone like no sun can come through the windows and the floors won't stop creaking. You let them peak back in because you were explicit in letting them know how much they hurt you before. Hurt you like no one else has hurt you before. You let them in because you know that now they know better. Now they know that you are a person with thoughts in your brain. You know that no one is capable of that kind of hurt again. You can judge people better than that. You've always been a seer in that regard. You know the people you want to be around are better than that. But then you are proven wrong. And you don't want to try anything anymore.