Friday, February 29, 2008
I didn't miss this place at all.
What should I be feeling? Accomplished? Regretful? Proud? Ashamed? Content? I feel awful. I feel torn to shreds. I feel abandoned. I feel naive. I saw it coming, both of them, but I avoided it. And look at how many bridges I had to burn to get here and now I've got no way back. I became hateful and spited everyone just to fuel my rage. Then i became perfect and caring and devoted. Both failed. If I'd just been myself, I would've fucked up. What's the point in dedication if it justs blows up in your face anyway? I fucking gave it my everything. I put my entire heart and soul and body into it and it failed me. Finally, I know what it's like to love someone so much that it hurts and to be so scared of what tomorrow brings because tomorrow might bring only more distance and with more distance comes less hope. What happens when the only thing keeping you alive doesn't want you around anymore?