Tuesday, February 12, 2008

for instance.

"i'm trying to fucking sleep, do you think you could turn down your music?"
i didn't say a word. there was no point, really. what is there to say? i dunno
i'm not perfect. i need to remember this. i know that my life is moving very
quickly now with blue birds and christmas lights and old windows letting in
too much cold air.
and i'm trying new things and wanting different things and experimenting
with myself and what i could handle/want/like/need/enjoy. and i think it's
a good time for it. just a good time to rely on myself again because....i
swear it's like a rule of life or something that attatchment is only good
for some of the time. i ask the question all the time: will i ever really
know anyone? or...will i ever be the lightworker i (think) was meant to be?
this day was part by part episode by episode different heartbeat rates.
i was walking down a hallway in the old building with the horseshoe front.
i was drinking water. he was wearing a gray cardigan, like the kind curt would
wear. and oh yeah, gray slacks. a little too short for him, and no socks? what?
in this weather? anyway....i was walking and it's this horrendous pull i feel,
so much so that i need to go in the bathroom and lock myself in a stahl and
nearly shout, "damn, cool your jets, girl," while laughing.
i tried, in class, to act like i wasn't stoned. he's a christian, afterall.
he's a christian.


My Idea of Fun said...

Life can be happy with company, you just have to have the right company. Although I've learned recently that the right company can lead to the worst heartbreak you'll ever feel.

Impermanence is a fact of life... everything changes. I don't know who the guy was screaming at a microphone a year ago. He isn't me.

I'm just saying I can relate

Emmy said...

yeah. it's true. impermanence and all. oh well.