Tuesday, February 26, 2008

i really like looking at everything that all of you are making. it keeps me wanting to make things, but the more i look at it the more i just feel sad. this guy i know is always telling me its time to grow up. i try to avoid it with all i have, i guess. it is sad though you know? i just don't understand if its growing up i don't want to do.. or if its not wanting to be like him that i'm feeling.

i saw an old friend this weekend and she agreed with him. she feels like shes grown past all of this. she was just kind of dating into it though...

i mean, maybe i would have to stop coming to sites like these with pictures of all of you to, what they call, grow up, but i guess to me you guys don't seem childish. it freaks me out A LOT that i have a house and everything that my parents have. i still think about leaving it all and going for a week or two long drive. or a bike ride to california. there are two problems with that.

i don't know what to do. i just feel really sad all the time. i like building things. it makes me feel better, but theres a problem with that. i got excited about Move to Johnstown, and he told me it embodied all that he thought was wrong with all of you. i mean, what do you have to be responsible for besides rent..and some of you are having babies now?
if i had some friends i wouldn't post this on here, but is miof/the idea of johnstown irresponsible? for someone in my postion?
am i ok with that? most of the time. is he ever going to be ok with that? i'm going to say no. why couldn;t someone just say don't do it. i really wouldn't have listened i'm sure, but at least i could have said ah! you told me. yooouuuu told me.

he asked me what i want out of life last night. he said that he wants to have nice things. i told him "i don't know". i do know though. i mean, i know what i want at this age. i'm sure it'll change, but whats the point of telling someone about it...that wont get it.


My Idea of Fun said...

I don't think I like Matt at all. I hate that you're so far away. I would like you to come home as much as you need to come home. This blog isn't my or anyone's irresponsible life; it's just part of our life - the part that can be seen from thousands of miles away. I want you to come home. What can I do?

- Jacob

Also, tell that square that, with some motivation and organization, irresponsibility is the new responsibility. Word, fuck head.

My Idea of Fun said...

what he said.

My Idea of Fun said...

word, sister. I miss you very very very much as well. As usual, I'm with Cubs on this...

My Idea of Fun said...

Also, there's nothing irresponsible about creating things.

We're a new generation of people building a different version of tomorrow. There's nothing wrong with focusing on creation. Granted, some sacrifices have to be made for things like kids, but you don't have you sacrifice your creative motivation.

And if this isn't the life that you're happy with, take your kids and get out. My mom did it when she was 18 with 2 kids, and it took her years to get her life on track again, but she's definitely happier with my dad than the guy she was with before him.

an' I wanted to tell you so!

...this is Sean by the way.