i really like looking at everything that all of you are making. it keeps me wanting to make things, but the more i look at it the more i just feel sad. this guy i know is always telling me its time to grow up. i try to avoid it with all i have, i guess. it is sad though you know? i just don't understand if its growing up i don't want to do.. or if its not wanting to be like him that i'm feeling.

i saw an old friend this weekend and she agreed with him. she feels like shes grown past all of this. she was just kind of dating into it though...

i mean, maybe i would have to stop coming to sites like these with pictures of all of you to, what they call, grow up, but i guess to me you guys don't seem childish. it freaks me out A LOT that i have a house and everything that my parents have. i still think about leaving it all and going for a week or two long drive. or a bike ride to california. there are two problems with that.

i don't know what to do. i just feel really sad all the time. i like building things. it makes me feel better, but theres a problem with that. i got excited about Move to Johnstown, and he told me it embodied all that he thought was wrong with all of you. i mean, what do you have to be responsible for besides rent..and some of you are having babies now?
if i had some friends i wouldn't post this on here, but is miof/the idea of johnstown irresponsible? for someone in my postion?
maybe.
am i ok with that? most of the time. is he ever going to be ok with that? i'm going to say no. why couldn;t someone just say don't do it. i really wouldn't have listened i'm sure, but at least i could have said ah! you told me. yooouuuu told me.

he asked me what i want out of life last night. he said that he wants to have nice things. i told him "i don't know". i do know though. i mean, i know what i want at this age. i'm sure it'll change, but whats the point of telling someone about it...that wont get it.