“Oh man. I just told her that she was cute and needed to be squeezed, and I did. Oh man!” (laughs)
*shit. shit shit shit shit shit*
“Oh? So, uh, did you make out with her?”
“No, but we live together, so there’s plenty of time for that.”
She was the last one to use the bathroom. Obviously she’s never gotten the Dad-like speech. He hates when people don’t use the bath mat and get water everywhere. He hates when people use the bath mat but don’t hang it up. The bath mat is on the floor AND there’s water everywhere! He’s going to be home soon. I’m just going to leave it on the floor… Oh god. The toilet is full of shit and a used tampon. Sick! Should I flush it? I want him to see this. This is reality. She’s a mess. God. I’ll flush it. I guess I’m not that mean. I’m not hanging up that bath mat, though.