all organic means to me is what's stripped of bullshit. of ego. in music or other places.
and at least i wasn't paralyzed. celebrate!
with fireworks.
and when i was standing next to him i told him he was a dad.
then i told him he was the best dad.
but he's not my father.
then that rock island landscape changed..got scattered. and it was like dying.
i think.
made my funny bone bleed today when i was in the shower.
didn't know it was bleedin till i got out.
and now it just hurts.

fuc.fuck. fuck! fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! i did this. this pattern, repeat walking down the sidewalk in the sun and somewhat cold today. because. because. we tried to teach them about cause and effect and one girl couldn't grasp it.
tried to tell her teacher but she said "yeah she can't grasp anything."
grasp it, fucking grasp it! listen! learn!
oh
oh
oh christ. oh my. oh me. oh god.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhh oh ohohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

it's over. it's something new.