Wednesday, July 23, 2008

we talked tonight like the television was our fireplace. we looked at each other and i said the word "hopelessness" and you looked at me like you'd been waiting to hear somebody say it. that word. you have goals. i said, "that's great that you have something you want to do." and you somehow communicated, before you barely said it, that you're just trying to get out of the ditch...just trying to get rid of the pain, and then you'd go from there. you would travel, maybe.
i said things that i'd actually been thinking lately. they just sort of slipped out of my mouth after you would make me laugh. like, thinking that life was totally great when the light from two smiles warmed our vision, like, for a moment we were part of it, but happy. we were happy. good job! okay, keep being honest, keep opening things up...he digs holes for a living, and you're digging, digging, with him everyday, at home, by yourself.
you don't connect much these days. you try to, then you get scared and freeze up and don't budge like all the fucking lifelesses you tried so hard not to shake in high school cause you couldn't stand their standstill. and now you are so scared. you won't even move. sometimes, maybe a little...but you're know you're just looking for nothing, walking around, being separate.
we are all so separate. do people really know each other? do you believe that? you can tell me if you want.

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