shes tired and i'm drizunk, but these are things that i've beored you guys with before.
I just want to feel more. or feel something. maybe i am one of those people that will make no one happy in the long run, but right now... it seems like i'd rather feel the spark and lose it a hundred times than have to do this for the rest of time.
it's happening more often these days that i feel like i should just toss it all. i can't imagine life without them, but i do a couple times aa day.
i saw an intervention the other day that had this chick that got rid of her kid because she knew she was terrible for him and she said that she tried to just not think about it. I'm not good for hers, but at the same time i can't imagine myself baing okay with letting someone else raise them.
I don't get why we say things are going well so often . i mean i think i can make things work, but the fatc is there are fundimental..i hate spelling...and i;m not going to fix this post..... anyway, there are fundamental differences in our ideas. Whether its true that i'm not right for them or not doesn't really matter. he is driven by money and while yea it would be so much easier to have money i'd rather live in a goddamn box and secretly grow vegetables under the benches in central park than worry about whether or not my tattoos are going to keep him from being the next 4 star general.
I wasn;t aloud to go out tonight because i take a class during the week and it should be enough social time to suffice, but he goes to the bar once a week with his work buddies, why do i have to sit and hear how unfair things are. he goes to class tooo.
as i finihs my 7th jack and coke i sit on the couch in the comfort of my home and 2 bathrooms. i get up only to pee. outside. "a fuck you to the old man" would a generals wife do that. i wish. but she doesn't. i'm not the right person to be in this type of situtation. i know that. but would i be able to deal with the feelings i would have if i just said good bye to all of them.
this isn;t art... i can't write songs, i can't even spell right, but it is a nice place to vent annonomously to 80% of you.