Tuesday, March 4, 2008

we all woke up sad.

Why can't I just let myself have a sad day? It was dreary rain from the start this morning, but I did see a seagull. I swear it. I said, "Come here, seagull, let me see if you are one." And it flew right over my house.
The girl next door keeps asking for signs. "I want to see a sign."
I say the music playing in the bathroom right as I walked away from the room he was in was a sign. It was the perfect moment, and he doesn't even know what I have inside here.
So, Jonathan Livingston and his dreams. He was a believer, a believer, you hear that all you scaredy cats? Stand up on your two feet in your dreary days.
All I can do is say thank you. For existing, and for removing attached thoughts which grew from my pain.
And I will stop being so manic. I will try to.
At least a little bit, at least I'll try to not be so mad at myself a little bit. A little bit.