three paperbacks. i'll hold them all for all of you. all three of you.
in pain, we feel distinguished. something keeps biting my neck.
please i cannot look at every man like you can.
please do not look at me old, or young man.
i feel it is too much.
that i'm afraid of love because i fear that really no one feels a thing at all
and i'll still be small and stuck
there was no end, no dream expanded into woods and truth and dust.
please understand, no one has been everywhere.
don't believe what they say about stopping and sitting and how.........

or maybe we should be sedated.
maybe we should pack all our things up until not another can see one other
thing about someone else.
stay close, for closenesses sake, if not mine and if not yours.
but there are attitudes more famous.

and i don't know about those because they don't fit into my bones
that easily.
you do not feel forgiven,
neither do i.
do i come off as i feel forgiven?
please. just wait.


first we need to accept that we will never know anything and we are all lying and i just want to stop
and sleep. rest for a little while.
this is all the further i can go because i'm becoming self conscious.

"It..." she waited for a bit while the wind, and perhaps more things, made her vision blurry.
"it is the winter. coming here."

"I won't miss it."

Even as I sit in a green-carpeted sink hole, I feel that everyone is watching me.
It makes me want to go.
It's the strangest tree, I've ever seen in a library.
Too much awaits me. Too much presumed compliance,

so i cross bridges you hate

over brown clear creeks with sparkling green stones.
i am sorry if i am.
i am sorry if i am.

a culmination of you walked toward the other side.
a cliff was seen by your eyes.

the dream was nothing but a real face
who made fear send something through the doorway

like an old bullet in my chest
i looked down . i can'tremember what happened after that; when i woke,there were waves black and blue and empty gray...i was struggling, lying on my back.

i almost spoke out loud, "i'm not afraid to die,"
either that or, "please, i'm not ready."

Day 26

Big crawling black bug sliding over my sheets doing his thing at forur AM when I look over and I rile em up and shake at them I want to listen to the Beatles I am shaking the sheets and I roll a smoke up with my thick fingers and lie on my back crawling against the bed with my knees let the smoke ribbons hang in clefts watch it ice against the mattress and walls when I finally find sleep rustling around I

DREAM OF a DOG THING USED on A kid it’s his HALLOWEEN COSTUME WITH a demon DOG MASK THAT is spewing trunk TEETH and a bone out OF THE SIDE he comes flapping UP TO ME in SHORT JERKING STEPS TAKE IT OFF me HE SAYS I HAVE TO REMOVE the DOG HEAD AND there's a kid underneath and I pull IT off IT TAKES the KID’S FACE SKIN WITH IT too IN a SCREAM AND THERES STRANDS of BLOOD spurting out from HIS veins in his face and HIS TEETH aren’t COVERED by LIPS THEY’RE GNASHING against each other EXPOSED and IM WIDE EYED CRYING into THE DOG FACE it’s the KID FACE SKIN TOO he DROPS HIS BAG OF CANDY and it spills ONTO the WET STREET AND LIGHTNING STRIKES a TREE beside us so I SCOOP him up and run off out of the picture and the CLOUDS SWIRL BACK BLACK

but it’s morning and I watch a butterfly clapping on the window pane with blue wings batting and an antenna telling me to not worry with my mouth open and ribs quivering with heat another smoke will do the trick in this morning before I get up and finally the Beatles so I lay there breathing in out in again and know that to lead a better life I need my love to be here