I I Lines:polar

Parallel:1)extending in the same direction, equidistant at all points, and never converging or diverging
2)having the same direction, course, nature, or tendency; corresponding; similar; analogous
Both definitions suffice, yet I like the 2nd definition better. I feel that's why I can't let go, no matter how much distance between us or how much I try. We are like magnets sometimes pulling towards each other, but if one of us turns the other way, or we get too close we repel each other. Never converging no matter how close we get. 5 years. 5 long weird years and you are one part of my life that is like this little hidden secret. Well I guess that's because you've never been part of my life. I don't say that to be harsh, it's simply a fact. Yet, I feel like I've carried you everywhere I've ever gone to. Every tune I've heard you've heard it to, any movie that's moved me to tears or kept me up at night I know you've seen it to. At least that's what I told myself imagining you there with me enjoying the same thing for the same reasons. Sure, there were times I forgot about you or it didn't matter as much but you were probably just as equidistant. However you always comeback like a migraine headache just something I know that I will always deal with. So the phone calls have been replaced with texts because just like tequila I know if I have too much of you I'll wake up with a hangover. You have always been my idea, my grand unfair unfathomable idea. And sometimes I treat you like an idea instead of a person. I use you but don't know you. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just wicked lonely and your the closest thing to what I think I want. Why in 5 years are you and her both in my life at the same exact fucking capacity. Was I that vulnerable and impressionable at that point in my life. Is that all this is, something I cant shake like a bad cold or a chronic disease. Is our relationship parallel to the actual relationship I'm in. A piece of nostalgia that I don't know what to do with. There have been more bad memories, frustrations, and hurt than there has been good times and laughs. So what brings us back, back to these same ever extending lines. Why do we do this strange hurtful dance. For every good move I make I step on your feet twice. Sometimes i just wish you hated me and vice a versa. But, hates too strong a word and so is love, so what is this. This sickness with no name this mutual attraction,.... apathetic love? I don't know if I'm more afraid that you could never be everything that I want and need or that you COULD be everything that I want and need. I almost told you I loved you but what good would it have done. I don't know if I would know what to do with it. How much longer can this go on. This mutual torturing. It can't last forever, or can it. I would be fine with X or \/ but I don't know how much longer I can with these haunting II lines.