seeing all those babies today and all those moms and dads taking care of those babies: it made me want babies.
seeing all those pictures of us when we were little dressing up like bag ladies hailing cabs with chinese fans, and throwing packing peanuts on our grandfather, and remembering our grandfather, and remembering all our little kid clothes and little kids reactions and little kid hair-dos:
it made me want to have little kids.
i don't want to add to the shit, and i don't want to make them hate their world,
but i do want to perpetuate the colors and the history, and the birthdays and the funerals and the volleyball games and the arguments.
oh the arguments! i allowed myself, today, to be in them, and to love them at the same time and not get too in a huff about any one thing.


this is the second day that i have only smoked two cigarettes all day.
they asked me what my plans were and i said "i don't have any."
they expected nothing and all shut up.
i come from a family of fuck-ups...so it's okay.